February is a busy month – Ash Wednesday, Valentine’s Day, my birthday. As I’ve been learning from the reading materials and the class I’m taking about grief, special dates can make things a little harder. The experience of the loss of a loved one is unique to each person, and it helps to know that there is no “one way” to do it. My experience is my own.
I always appreciate it when people reach out and ask how I’m doing although it is a bit hard to explain. “Fine” doesn’t really cut it yet I’m not sad all the time. The following entry is from a book called “Healing After Loss – Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief” by Martha Whitmore Hickman. This entry is from February 14th. If you wonder how I’m doing right now, this explains it exactly.
If there is one thing grievers know, it is how changeable our moods can be. One moment we are relatively calm, in control, keeping our grief at bay. The next moment we are overwhelmed, our equilibrium shattered.
Anything can send us off – a fragrance, the words of a song, an article in a newspaper that reminds us of our loss, the first sign of spring – and our loved one not here to share it. Even minor holidays – like Valentine’s Day – can send us reeling.
Other times we are carefree, relishing the moment – the beauty of snow, the warmth of fire, the comfort of hot cocoa, the presence of friends. And we wonder why we are so susceptible to such mood swings. We may even wonder about our sanity – when will my moods be more measured so I am not always in danger of being swept away, of falling through the trapdoor of despair?
Our lives have been shattered by loss. Of course it will take time for the pieces to come together in any coherent pattern.
Bernie always loved it when I included photos with my BLOG posts and I’m adding a memory from Valentine’s Day 2018. It was also Ash Wednesday. Bernie came into SF to meet me after work and we went to a church to get our ashes. As you can see, they followed a theme and we took a selfie on BART to send to our niece Lauren, thinking she would get a kick out of it.
The other photo is of Sting at a concert I went to this past Wednesday night. He played with the San Francisco Symphony at Davies Symphony Hall. My friend Kate treated me to the show. We were in the third-row orchestra and it was one of the most amazing concerts I’ve ever been to. There were moments of sadness when I remembered being there the last time with Bernie, he loved the Symphony, but I was also able to savor the joy of the moment. May you savor the joy of the moments of your life, as each one is a blessing and a gift.
