Yesterday was beautiful in the Bay Area, especially after what seems like weeks and months of rain. I walked around Lake Merritt with a good friend. I’d include some photos except I forgot my phone. It was Chica’s and my third walk of the day and it turned out to be a lot longer than I expected (2 hours) so she and I had an 18k step day. She’s quite a trooper. The wildflowers, birds, waterfowl and people gathered made it feel like a wonderful day to be in Oakland. Not something you read about in the news lately!

I have to admit that the previous week was a bit foggy. Sometimes I get weighed down by missing Bernie in a way that makes life seem blurry. Like I’m watching the world go by from the end of a long tunnel and being social or knowing where I put my keys (or phone!) seems almost impossible.

I recently came across an article that described it well.

Exhaustion (and not to mention brain fog) aside, another reason that socializing can become challenging after loss is a newly decreased capacity for small talk. When a loved one dies, at least for a time, this often becomes the focal point of our lives and the realization that the world keeps on turning can feel extremely jarring. It is absolutely “normal” to feel out of the loop on current events in your community or broader world.

Excerpt from “How Grief Impacts Our Social Spheres”, by Alex Mammadyarov, MHC – published on http:..www. intuitivehealingnyc.com 1/24/22

The readings I come across give me solace to know that what that I’m going through is normal. There’s a slogan in AA “This too shall pass” which is also helpful as I know the fog will clear but can also come back without warning. As described beautifully in the closing of the reading.

Do your best to show yourself grace and compassion through it all, over and over again.

I wish there wasn’t a need to do things over and over again, but I’ve learned that this is a bumpy ride and I just need to be present for whatever comes my way. I have many happy moments and for now, the fog has lifted so I’m taking advantage of it and connecting more with the world. I’m grateful to be surrounded by wonderful friends and family, and of course my pups. Tomorrow is Pickleball and I’m on my way out now for walk with friend on this beautiful warm and sunny day.

Bernie and I had a tradition every Easter of invited a group of friends (and whatever extended family happened to be visiting them) and cooking lamb. We worked well as a team whenever we had people over and he always did a wonderful job cooking the lamb (which can be tricky). In honor of that tradition, and one day late, I’m making lamb stew tonight and will think of him and our many happy gatherings we had in this house.