I attended an on-line Memorial Service put on by Kaiser Hospice last week. They have been wonderful in that I continue to receive materials in the mail and invitations to their ongoing online and in person grief groups. I sent in a photo of Bernie to be included in the slideshow and also mentioned my older sister Kathy who passed away on Sept. 26th. Over fifty people attended.

The service consisted of music, photos, sharing, and poetry. I was especially touched by a poem by Mary Oliver. She has always been my favorite poet. I found out today that she wrote it after the death of her longtime partner Molly Malone Cook which explains why I connected to it so much.

“Heavy” by Mary Oliver 

That time
I thought I could not
go any closer to grief
without dying

I went closer,
and I did not die.
Surely God
had his hand in this,

as well as friends.
Still, I was bent,
and my laughter,
as the poet said,

was nowhere to be found.
Then said my friend Daniel,
(brave even among lions),
“It’s not the weight you carry

but how you carry it –
books, bricks, grief –
it’s all in the way
you embrace it, balance it, carry it

when you cannot, and would not,
put it down.”
So I went practicing.
Have you noticed?

Have you heard
the laughter
that comes, now and again,
out of my startled mouth?

How I linger
to admire, admire, admire
the things of this world
that are kind, and maybe

also troubled –
roses in the wind,
the sea geese on the steep waves,
a love
to which there is no reply?

— “Heavy” by Mary Oliver from Thirst. 

I’m settling in well in Nevada City. My host Julie left today for six months in Mexico. It was wonderful to spend time with her and she made sure I met all the neighbors and her friends, so I already have some new connections here. I’ve seen a few houses in Napa, but it seems that things are slowing down a bit which makes sense during the holidays. In the meantime, I’m glad I have a peaceful, beautiful place to stay. I winterized the cabin in Graniteville last Tuesday – drained the pipes, etc. and it snowed on Thursday so I timed that well.

Hoping that tomorrow, election day, brings good news. Like myself, the entire nation is on edge. I will go outside and marvel at the trees, all awash in Fall colors, and listen to the creek to ease the uneasiness. Gratitude is a good antidote to anxiety, and I am indeed grateful for the beauty of nature, the power of poetry and the people and puppies in my life.